Lifestyle

Some of you may remember that I bought myself a Kindle electronic reader for my birthday last year. I’ve had a great time finding and downloading books that both Mom and I can enjoy. The Kindle has a text-to-voice feature that enables my mom, who has lost vision due to macular degeneration, to easily listen to a large variety of books. In my first frenzied shopping trips to the Kindle store, I selected almost anything that was available for free and quickly learned a series of lessons that need to be passed on. You can all thank me later—and, trust me, you will. So, here goes:

Kindle Life Lesson # 1: Read the complete book description before hitting the “Buy” button

This one will become clear as you continue reading.

Kindle Life Lesson #2: Avoid fast moving plot lines and page turning thrillers—at least for Mom

As I was making dinner, Mom was sitting her chair watching the news. We were chatting and she was talking about the book she was listening to on the Kindle, The Confessional by Beverly Lewis, a story set in the Amish region of Lancaster County. Mom says the story moves slowly but that suits her just fine because when she falls asleep, she hasn’t missed much.

Kindle Life Lesson #3: This is why we call it “Kindle Care”

When my brother asked Mom how the Kindle works, this is what she told him: “Remember how when Nina’s kids were little, she put them in a baby swing while she made dinner. As long as she kept winding it up, they were fine. Well, it’s kind of like that. She puts the headphones on my head, pushes the button and it’s instant quiet. She checks every now and then and plugs it in if the battery is running low.”

Had her comparison not been so accurate, it might have occurred to me to either feel guilty or offended.

Kindle Life Lesson #4:  Be careful when purchasing books in the “Romance” category

Before leaving for my Bunco night, I set up Mom with the Kindle to continue listening to another installment in the Beverly Lewis series.

When I returned home two hours later, I went to her room to turn off the device. Mom was listening, but had a strange expression on her face and said, “That was NOT my book–but I listened to it anyway. It was like one of those True Story magazines.” I don’t think Mom’s ever read a True Story magazine. But she knew someone who did. Or maybe she knew somebody who knew somebody who did. Anyway…

Then I remembered. After Mom had listened the previous night, I started reading one of the “romance” novels I had downloaded. I must say I enjoy reading a trashy novel on occasion. However, a few pages in (OK, so maybe it was more than a few–but as God is my witness, less than 50), I realized that this great work of literature was closer to female erotica than a romance novel.

Kindle Life Lesson # 5: Look before you leave

When the Kindle is turned back on, it will automatically pick up where you left off. I didn’t pay any attention to what was on the screen when I set it up for Mom. She doesn’t know how to start or stop it so essentially she was in a hostage situation.

Except for the fact that she could have simply taken off the headphones.

She didn’t.

Sam was in the living room when I came out. I told him what had happened and read him this brief passage from the book, “His whiskey tone promised incredible delights, seducing her word by word. I can indulge in the feeling of you wrapped around me. Not moving, just savoring.”

I understand if you feel the need to go take a shower right now–I inadvertently let my 92-year-old mother listen to an explicit romance novel for two hours.

Kindle Life Lesson #6: Forever treasure Mom’s sense of humor

Early one morning, I was seated on the couch and Sam was unloading the dishwasher when Mom walked into the kitchen. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she said to him, “I had really crazy dreams last night. It must be because my head isn’t used to having a book over its ears.”